May 222012

I have a never-ending rotation of children’s songs playing… because even when they are not actually playing they are playing in my head.  Over and over… and over and over and over again.  Have you ever listened to these songs?  Not just mindlessly sung along until you want to blow your brains out, but really listened?  Who the fuck writes these songs?  And what the hell do they mean?

The Farmer in the Dell sounds like a Sunday Afternoon Movie on TLC.  “The Farmer takes the wife.  The wife takes the Child.  The nurse takes the dog.”  Taking them where?  To the Dell?  The Dell sounds like the bottom of a deserted well to me. Kidnapping might be a good subject for a story used to scare your kids into holding your hand in a public place.  Children’s song?  Not so much.

Ring Around the Rosie?  I am pretty sure that I learned somewhere this song is about the Plague.  Regardless, “Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down,”  is never a good way to end anything.

– When It’s Raining, It’s Pouring, it’s bad enough that kid’s recess is ruined by the rain and they have to stay inside and play “Heads Up, 7-Up” (I totally cheated in that game by looking at shoes, btw)  But then we have to scare the kids by telling them about snoring old men who bump their heads and couldn’t get up in the morning.  Even a 5-year-old can decode that riddle and know that the dude is dead.  I wonder how long he laid in bed before someone found him.  Probably a long time if it was raining so hard.

– Dr. Monkey Mom, if your little monkey bumped his head and the doctor’s best advice is “No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed,”   then get a new doctor.  Or at least a second opinion.  Concussions are no joke.  And for god’s sake, don’t let the rest of the little monkeys keep jumping on the bed and falling off and bumping their heads one by one.  NOT.  GOOD. PARENTING.

What other upbeat, on-message children’s songs am I missing?

  10 Responses to “Random Thought: On Children’s Songs”


    Couple things— I highly commend your honesty about your resourcefulness during Heads Up 7-Up… I feel like only us smart kids were savvy enough to figure out whose shoes were whose. I would always work in partnerships and stand directly under someone’s desk while having somebody else tap on their thumb, to throw off the other 3rd graders. Always one step ahead, you know?
    Secondly, did you ever notice how many kids songs are to the same tune as the ABC’s? Twinkle twinkle little star, etc? Parents encouraging laziness, one song at a time. 😉


    I think I’ve passed the point where any of this sounds strange to me. I can listen to the Laurie Birkner Band for hours without even dwelling on how weird it is that I have songs involving dinosaurs, having a dog on your head, or whatever running through my head. Stay strong, don’t let this happen to you.


    Every morning as I drive L to school and myself to work, I am held hostage by the Wiggles’ “Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car”. At first I thought it was catchy. However, after the 156 millionth listen to it, I want to personally hunt down each Wiggle and choke them. Seriously. I told my husband our retirement plan “B” was for me to dress him in a green shirt, and ship him off to Australia to be the fifth Wiggle. Retirement plan “A” was for me to meet Garry Beers of INXS at a concert, for us to lock eyes and for him to pull me on stage a-la- Courtney Cox in the Dancin’ in the Dark video, for us to fall madly in love, me to bilk him for millions and then come back for my husband. Um, yeah. That plan didn’t work. Where was I going with this comment again? Yes, children’s songs, yes….. I think to enjoy some of these songs (and tv shows) you need to be seriously buzzed.


    This gave me a good old chuckle with my morning brew! You missed out ‘Jack and Jill’ though which has both of the kids falling down a hill with one of them breaking their crown and ends with one of them going to bed with some vinegar and brown paper stuck to his head!! Nothing cheerful in it what so ever – in fact according to my pal the rhyme when first published was actually about a king who had been be-headed!


    By my fourth kid, I wised up and created a Funk for the Family playlist. We also enjoy Folk for the Family as well. Consider investing in a Peter, Paul, and Mommy cd if nothing else. But I admit there is something magical about children’s songs. I will never ever forget the sound of my youngest singing Baa Baa Black Sheep have you any wool… for my master and one for my dame, and one for the wittle boy who wives down the wayne!

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