May 172013

For some odd reason, some people think that because you are pregnant they can say things to you that they would never say to a non-pregnant person.  Like growing a life inside your belly somehow makes you suddenly immune to comments on your looks, weight, parenting style or dietary choices. I mean, would you ever ask a non-pregnant person how much weight she has gained lately?  Would you ever tsk at her drinking a diet coke or eating a hamburger?  Would you ever stroke her belly??  The answer to these questions should be no. If it is not, you need to see a therapist. So if you wouldn’t say these things to a non-pregnant person, why is it suddenly ok to say them to a pregnant woman?

I have had enough invasions of privacy lately without hearing your thoughts on my body parts, thank you very much. I have peed in more cups, spread my legs more often, and had more conversations about my bodily functions than Lindsay Lohan, and quite frankly, I am tired of sharing myself.  Do I sound bitter and cranky? Because I am. I already feel enough like a human Tupperware container without people treating me like I am no longer human. So thanks, but keep your thoughts on how I look to yourself.  Unless, of course, you want to tell me how amazing my boobs look. Because right now, they are pretty amazing!

Basically, what I am saying is that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all. If you are not sure if it is nice, just don’t say it. If you still need further clarification, read below for my list of things you should never, ever say to a pregnant woman. Ever. Unless, of course, you were wondering what a swollen, pregnant fist tastes like.

1)  It’s only 9 months.

Ok, first off, 40 weeks is more than 9 months. Second, YOU try feeling nauseous, ugly, angry, sad, hungry, uncomfortable, gaseous and swollen for even 9 days and tell me that it doesn’t feel like 9 years!

2)  Wow!  You are only x months pregnant??  You are huge!

Even if it is said with a smile, or followed by a compliment or a comment that I am “all belly”, the only thing I hear is “Holy shit, you are fat!” And it makes me to slap the smile off your skinny, non-pregnant face.  Sorry, there goes the bitterness again.

3)  You can’t eat that/drink that/do that!

Thank you pregnancy police.  I am well aware (waayyy too aware) of what my dietary limitations are.  This is between me and my doctor.  I assure you that I am doing everything I can to create a healthy environment for my growing child, and that may or may not include an occasional caffeine fix, piece of fish or sip of wine. I did all three during my first pregnancy, and also lifted things that weighed more than a piece of paper, highlighted my hair, and painted my nails.  My child is just fine. Why don’t you focus on your own kid, who is eating a can rubber cement right now?

4) Are you sure that you are gaining enough weight?  You need to eat more. You are exercising too much.

This is just as annoying and unhelpful as the fat comments.  Every body is different.  This is true even during pregnancy. If a woman is truly gaining too much weight or not gaining enough, rest assured that her doctor will let her know.  Just like in non-pregnant women, there’s no reason to make anyone feel guilty or uncomfortable about her body.  Ever.

5 )  You must be having a girl.  Carrying a boy makes you glow, but a girl steals your beauty while you are pregnant.

Great. So not only am I fat, but now I am ugly too? Thanks so much. (Yes, someone actually said this to me during my first pregnancy. Seriously?? Seriously.)

6)  I only gained 20 pounds when I had a baby and I lost it right away.

Good for you. Now shut the hell up and let me eat my double cheeseburger in peace.

7)  Are you sure you are not having twins?

Translation: “You are a complete whale.” Ask yourself this – Are you really worried that in this day and age a second baby could have snuck into my uterus, undetected by doctors and modern technology? I’m not buying it. Or are you just trying to think of a “nice” way to ask me why I am so huge?  There is no nice way, so keep your thoughts about my weight to yourself or you will have your heart ripped out (and likely eaten) by a hungry, hormonal pregnant woman.

8)  Can I touch your belly?

No you cannot, creeper.  I wouldn’t want you to touch my stomach while I was not pregnant, let alone when there is only a thin layer of skin between your grubby hands and my perfect baby.  Shudder.  But now you have put me in the awkward position where I either have to say no and feel like a total a-hole or let you touch me. Thanks for that.

** This question, however, is preferable to the people who actually lunge for your belly, unannounced. I would never, ever touch a stranger’s body, so while is it acceptable for strangers to touch you while you are pregnant??

9)  You don’t like being pregnant?! Wow. I loved every second of my pregnancy.

Perhaps there are a few select women who truly love being pregnant, but I can personally guarantee that no one loves every second of it. There are many incredible things about being pregnant – like the moment that you first feel the baby move inside of you. Or simply the fact that your body is capable of creating another living, breathing human. However, I think that any woman who says that they loved every second of 9 + months of discomfort, mood-swings, cravings, nausea, pain, sleeplessness, bloating, and weight-gain is either forgetting, lying or Mother Teresa.

I am sure that there are many more insane things that people say to pregnant women.  Have you ever said anything you regretted to someone or did someone say something hilariously terrible to you while pregnant?  Please share and we can mock this dumbass together…even if the dumbass is you.


  12 Responses to “Things Never To Say To A Pregnant Woman”


    #2 & #7 daily…. Still praying I might be lucky enough to ever hear #4!!! Seriously. If someone asked me if I was gaining enough weight, I would be ecstatic.


      Crazy enough, I got both sets of comments during my first pregnancy. Now, I just get huge! But when it is your second time around, your belly just pops out right away!! All we can do is laugh it off and keep eating! = )


    I asked a woman once how far along she was, to which she replied she was not pregnant! Even when I think it is really obvious I never ask that.


    I hated being pregnant. I’m sorry, but that is the truth. It was cool for about a week. But prior to getting pregnant I had lost 40 lbs and was wearing single digit sizes I had never before seen. I hated people commenting on my ‘bump’. I hated people calling me “little mama”. The kindest thing anyone never said to me was when I was 9 months pregnant at Wal Mart. I got a knowing, sympathetic nod from a lady who knew how miserable I was. I will never forget how kind her simple nod was. I’m sorry people are bugging you. I know it sucks. I can’t even see you and I think you are positively radiant! Take good care of you and bebe.


      Thank You! It really doesn’t bother me TOO much. Mostly I just think it is funny how clueless people are. Plus it is fun to make fun of them.


    oh and by the way, after I HAD the baby, (like a year after) I had on my coat (ZIPPED UP) and was asked by a lady how far along I was. I took great pleasure in watching her turn scarlet as I announced that I wasn’t pregnant. Yes, I’m a bitch. But it felt great! (and PS, my coat was bulky…. just sayin’)


      Ack. That’s not bitchy, it is well deserved. You should have puked on her shoes, as Laura suggested. HA!


    Whenever anyone says one of those annoying things, you should just puke on their shoes. They might not shut-up, but they’ll keep their distance.

    Enjoyed your post even though it’s been quite a few years since my last pregnancy.

    Laura Hedgecock


      Great idea! I should be able to work up some spur of the moment vomit. One of the perks of being pregnant.


    PS. Where in the world did you find those great follow me buttons?


      To be honest, I don’t totally remember. I Googled “Free hand drawn social media icons” and found a bunch of cool ones. = )

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